August 25th, 2006
GOING BIG: Mean partying your ass off. Nothing good ever happens when you “go big”, however it can be a hell a lot of fun. Usually it is best to plan to “go big” in advance — have prearranged bail money, the next day free to extend the bender into, keep 400 Advil on hand to deal with your hangover, and a lawyer or two may be handy — but often you might “raise the odds” and accidentally “go big”! If you want to have fun, sometimes, you’ve got to pay. It is helpful to have some “big boy” apparel (aviator glasses, fur coats, etc) to signify to those known to you that you are “going big” and they can distance themselves appropriately.
August 20th, 2006
Despite all of my self-abuse, I do have a healthy side. I ride my bike 7 miles to the gym every other day and work out for about two hours.
A big problem being an owner of a decent bike in a metropolitan area is theft. In the last three years I’ve had three bikes stolen and each time I’ve replaced it with a progressively bigger bike that moved up in tandem with progressively bigger bike locks. Trek became Gary Fisher and now Gary Fisher is a Cannondale. Now my lock of choice is the Ongaurd Brute Bitbull…a lock which is so big and burley I need to carry it around in a backpack.
A few days ago I am walking out of the gym in the middle of the afternoon with my keys in hand ready to unlock my bike. To my surprise, when I reach the bike rack, some black dude is shaking the bike like he’s possessed in a vain attempt to exorcize it from the pole.
So I walk up, “Let me show you a trick to get that off faster…”
He steps back, I swiftly unlock the Pitbull, snap it back together, and swing the business end of it straight into his jaw. Stunned, he steps back. Blood spatterings and bits of teeth cover Wilshire. I’m a little in shock that I had fucked him up so bad. I already had the lock poised ready to strike again, so I brought it down on his head in a second and even more wicked blow.
I don’t even think that he knew what had happened. By this point the various people meandering around the streets of the Miracle Mile were starting to stare as some skinhead fuck was beating the life of some poor black crackhead, so I threw the lock back into my backpack and bounced.
When I got home I washed the blood and bits of flesh off of it.
August 17th, 2006
OK, if any of you webmaster types are looking for hardlink trades or would like to have you site exposed to a lot more trading possibilities — this is the place to do it:
www.jaystrades.com
The new version has been gutted from bottom to top and is super-clean (it’s almost like a combo of Google Adwords and Myspace now). All of your pervious trades still work and all old accounts are still active. It still spiders and removes all cheating / dropped links.
All you really need to do is:
1. Create an account.
2. Add in your trades with keywords.
3. Put the include code at the bottom of pages you would like to trade on (must be able to parse for PHP).
4. Start searching for trades.
5. If someone wants a trade an email will go out to them. The trade must be approved by both parties before it goes live.
Jaystrades.com supports straight recip (A>B) trades and non-linier trades (A>B>C).
I realize the two previous incarnations were not as complete as they could have been and had a few bugs. Login and check out how far this project has come.
I think you will be impressed.
Email me or ICQ me if you have questions:
jay@jqmedia.org – ICQ 62835707
August 14th, 2006
Suicide - One Show At A Time: Being one of the “bigger webmasters” like being a
rockstar or a
drug dealer – except you don’t have to actually play music or sell drugs to get mashed up in exotic locals. Rather than bore you guys with another 1500 word dissertation on the events of this past week’s Internext Convention in Florida, let me tell you it went something like this:
1. Wake up around 2PM.
2. Imbibe obligatory Bloody Mary.
3. Switch to beer and Jaegermeister.
Threat leve of gums = “fine shade of cobalt blue”
4. Attend some kind of dinner function (keep drinking).
5. Rock a party at some club (drink harder).
Gums = ” fine shade of cobalt blue”
6. Do drugs in some suite till 8 in the morning at somebody’s suite.
Gum threat = ” fine eperveacent shade of bright magenta”
7. Mash up or softserve some random slut.
8. Repeat x number of days.
To attone for last years sins, I was forced to sit in
the segregated section at the pool.Although, I can’t say that I hot any of the lows that I did at last summers show (standing blacked-out in the pool throwing watermelons at black people)….there are a few highlights I can recall:
- A tender re-union with the slut sisters.
- Snorting a bunch of what I thought was cocaine (but was actually E), it falling out of my nose, and having someone else eat it.
- I’m not proud of this: Fucking a FAT / big-tittied slut in the pool. Fuck it. It was 5AM, drunk, horny, and vulnerable, though not the pinnacle of my sexual career.
To add insult to injury: The next day, I had to rent a car and drive up to Tampa because some asshole kid tore up my lawn of one of my rental properties in Tampa with an ATV. Yeah, that shit does piss me off, but I was that kid doing doughnuts on people lawns once upon a time.
Karma is a bitch.
It was as close as I’ve ever come to falling asleep at the wheel. When I finally rolled into Tampa. The hotel I was staying at was directly across the street from two titty bars. Decent titty bars don’t exist in LA (though they totally should!). There would be no rest for the wicked that night: Attendance was compulsory.
I closed down both of them by 3AM.
The next day, I handled my domestic responsibilities and hooked up with Extreme John (esteemed pornographer, very cool / generous guy and Florida ’s new suntan king), Joey (Callkelly.com / Maturepost.com), and got a giant hummer limo and hit a few titty bars and rocked the Crystal.
Now, as I write this from the plane on it’s way back to Los Angeles….I feel like a can of smashed assholes.
Maybe, I should take a little downtime and sober up some. According to Fubarwebmasers, I should have about a week before the next show.
There no business like Ho Business.
I guess.
August 11th, 2006
Q’on from
Onprobation.com after a night of glory in LA sponsored by his favorite affiliate program
OCCash.
August 2nd, 2006
Here is a glimpse of tomorrow’s post for my new site
www.loljesus.com. I recently bought it off this guy for $1000 USD. Since I’ve owned it, I can’t believe how many fans it has and how much shit gets sent in. It’s made me even more exited about keeping that fucker stocked with fresh blastphemys!
Note: Fried chicken and watermelon for added visual insanity.
Visit: www.loljesus.com.
